My mind has been all a bit empty or all a bit full. I can't figure it out and it's not like I have ever figured it out. I have either been feeling too much or much too little.
For the past few weeks I have been walking around with nothing and I don't know what to make of it. Or maybe, I have no choice but to watch myself slowly become duller and duller. This scares me more than ever.
I used to have this fire. This burning and unrelenting fire that would blaze through me and just not let me be. Wide awake during long nights, thinking and reveling into my futuristic bliss. I was excited, anxious, happy, yet sad. I had this burning fire in me with a five year, flawless plan. I'd tell excitedly to those who'd listen, what a wonderful life, what a wonderful plan I had for myself. I'd revel into these visions during the dark hours of the night, oh just the possibilities of my future were endless and so, so beautiful.
I would try to explain to those who did not seem to have this fire burning in them how wonderful it felt, how alive. I'd try to inspire some life into them, show them how clear it felt having dreams and having goals. Pitying them for being so ignorant and so blind to the possibilities of the future and what it had to offer.
I would try to explain to those who did not seem to have this fire burning in them how wonderful it felt, how alive. I'd try to inspire some life into them, show them how clear it felt having dreams and having goals. Pitying them for being so ignorant and so blind to the possibilities of the future and what it had to offer.
But, how ironic.
I can't seem to find this fire anymore. As if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water unto this fire, I have lost it and all I am left with is a burnt, charcoal scar in me. And I wonder, what has put out the fire? And it scares me, maybe I have deliberately poured water unto myself.
