Ha, I don't want to sound like a baby and start to rage about things everybody can live without knowing.
But I think I'd just like to let Blogspot know...
I think my dad is purposely trying to make me kill myself.
How can a person rip, stomp, and completely kill another person's dreams just like that?
Hey, I waited five motherfucking years living for only this, and you decide to rip it out of my life? Might as well just kill me. But too fucking bad you're waiting for me to kill myself first.
Sound like a baby, huh?
YOU try being the middle-child in a family where favoritism is what will get you anywhere.
Fuck it. I'm over this and this family.
I'm not happy actually, don't think by buying me a car would even out what you've just done. Don't think this could have been figured out by a deal. You were already required to be buy me a car, unless of course you like my sister more? Ah, shit, I forgot. You do.
You just made the biggest fucking mistake of your life.
Fuck you. I don't want the car and sure as hell don't want your money.
The only good thing you did about making me middle child is that when you fuck shit up, you just make me want to get up and kill everybody.
But too bad it doesn't benefit you in any way at all.
Because I'd probably kill you first.
On a brighter note; Kero One - Asian Kid (ft. Tablo, MYK, Dumbfoundead)
Kero One's change in style for this song makes it all the more unique.
Tablo's flow in this song makes me listen to this song over & over.
These past couple of days have completely killed my sleeping schedule. But I gotta say, fun-filled, eventful days.
These past couple of weeks have completely changed my views on high school, people, and simply my childhood.
Lots of fun and I'll definitely miss these moments and who I've spent them with. And I'll never forget.
I wish I could blog photos, but too bad I took it old school and took pictures with a disposable camera. Gotta love those cameras!
Korea vs. Argentina was crap.
Bullshit. Argentina played dirty and were just... plain ugly. Haha, whatever. The only good thing about Argentina is their hot sauce. But, hell, I could do without hot sauce because there's always Siracha Sauce and Korea's bomb-ass Ssamjang. Let's just get rid of Argentina. Haha. Whatever, I'm over it. Korea vs. Nigeria? We'll win, no big deal.
Went to school right after grabbing Starbucks on the way. I was a nut-case running around and hyped up from the caffeine. But ended up falling asleep during the Physiology final. Yeah, I don't care. Took my Stats final afterwards and guessed on pretty much every answer. I still don't care. Took one half-successful picture. If anyone knows what I'm talking about.
Grad Night.
Good night. I gotta say, it was a lot better than I expected. Ran around trying to find people and ride as many rides as possible. Running around on pure caffeine. Wasn't too bad considering the fact that none of us have slept in two days. It was a fun filled adventure with a lot of laughs. Grad Night was most definitely bittersweet. Knowing this was our last night together, as a whole, everyone seemed so compatible. Everyone simply jelled together and I have to say, nobody did it better and nobody ever will. The class of 2010 was no doubt, the most unique class ever. Well, maybe only CV's class of 2010. I will definitely miss every single person in my senior class; even the ones I've hated on all year. If anything, I wish I had enjoyed high school a little bit more. I should have lived in the moments rather than looked too much upon the future. I will miss high school, probably more than anything.
Graduation.
One word: Speed. Graduation happened too fast in too short of time. Sitting in the sun for two hours felt like twenty minutes. My name being called; hell, I didn't even hear it. Taking pictures with everyone, too fast to make actual conversation and wish them a heartfelt good luck. All I can say about graduation was that it was chaotic and hectic trying to find everybody at once. I was actually planning on crying but it was too fast paced for me. It definitely didn't feel like we were graduating and if any of it was even real. Once again, I love my senior class. And one thing good that I got out of graduation day was that one picture I got to take. ;) Haha, my old school disposable camera never fails me.
Post-Graduation.
After graduation wasn't as heartfelt as I hoped. In all honesty, I almost cried from disappointment and I've got to say, I've never been that disappointed in my dad. But haha, whatever. Middle-child, right?
Got over it after I threw a cussing fit and ate dinner in Koreatown with the momma, brother, halmi, cousins, and momma's two best friends. The other two women who have watched me grow into who I am today. Got a little buzzed off the Soju one of my mom's friend let me drink.
Came back home to go another night without sleeping. Decided to play with the few friends I've been able to get closer with near the end of Senior year. Drove around for about an hour finding a place to relax, decided to choose a lesser-shady parking lot and we simply relaxed and kicked it until around 6am. (I know, I hate when other's talk in wanna-be ways; but I don't know how else to explain it! I'm sorry!)
Woke up at 4PM because my cousin and brother asked if I wanted Chipotle. Obviously, I'd wake up for it. Rotted until 9PM and decided to get froyo with Emma.
Toy Story 3.
But of course, spontaneity got the best of us and changed our plans. Decided to watch Toy Story 3 with a few good friends. The third and probably last movie of my childhood.
Yeah, I cried.
Bought 12AM tickets and let me just tell you, Toy Story 3 was most definitely not meant for the little kids. But for those who grew up with Disney-Pixar movies. Toy Story, Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Finding Nemo, Monster's Inc.
Toy Story 3 was actually what helped me learn that I was no longer a child. Thoughts that I've actually graduated and how I'm no longer a child hit me. Coming out on June 18, 2010; my graduation day. Andy going off to college; everyone going their own ways. Woody and the gang defining friendship; my very few best's doing their thing.
Toy Story was my childhood and it just made me realize how much I've grown and how fast time has gone.
I just wish I hadn't grown up so fast and tried so hard to fit in.
I miss everything. Haha, Toy Story 3; I love you.
A lot more eventful days to come and a lot more blogs about them to come. Yay or nay?
Nay, for sure. Haha.
Beach tomorrow night. Smores, food, drinks, and a good laugh with a couple of good friends.
Summer is going and going to be grrrrreeeeeeeat. I can just feel it.
Epik High ft. Kero One, DUMBFOUNDEAD, Myk, Rakka - Rock Steady "Epik High called and told me to jump on and 'kill the track'... I took it literally and stomped on it till it was flat. I'm from killa California, K-town to be exact."
I wish I could marry a guy who can rap like Dumbfoundead so he can serenade me with... rhymes every morning. Eating a bowl of cereal and he can randomly start spitting on how sick mornings are and how delightful the cereal tastes. HA, and I'm dead serious.
Coolest. Guy. Ever.
Hands down.
And LOL jk, let's get this week over and done with. Not studying for finals and not planning on it.
Yeah... No. I did not wake up at 11:24 AM. The world is not flipped upside down, I just haven't fallen asleep yet.
Today was such an eventful day with so many different emotions, I just couldn't pass it up.
Korea vs. Greece FIFA world cup. Good fucking game.
Went to the Staples Center; Premium 2 seats for free. Pretty much... free bomb ass tickets. Sold around twelve extra tickets for around eighty bucks. As expected, I was hyped. Red shirts everywhere, war paint on different faces, and that Korean pride chant you just can't help chanting along with the crowd. Once more, good fucking game. Screaming my head off and jumping up and down on those two amazing goals, cussing my head off at Greece's goalie. I say, good game, good day.
The game ended at around six, and the gang decided upon Pho and another Bon-shik restaurant with the money saved from selling the extra tickets. Drove back to La Crescenta, looked for any open Froyo shop. Obviously not open at nine in the morning; opted for Mcdonald's ice cream. Parked in front of Osh and talked. Made new friends, connected with olds, laughed with the usual. No, not good day, great day. Free ticket, free food, free ice cream. Good shit.
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain." Cheesy, cliche, young, and old. But what it honestly and really comes down to.
Aside from the excitement; I think I have just found my silver lining.
And I can't even believe I'm saying this but; time, please stop.
As I was sitting in the car eating ice cream, chatting and laughing with friends I couldn't help but think, "high school."
This is in fact, high school. Why couldn't I have realized this sooner?
Came home and decided to read all the autographs received on my Yearbook. With casual "See you around's," "Have a great summer!" "Good luck in college next year!" There was no coming back. Everyone going their separate ways and finding their own mark unto this world. Telling each other that'd we'd keep in contact, promising to hang out over the summer; knowing for a fact that wasn't the case. Knowing for a fact, this is goodbye. Ignoring the fact, this is goodbye. No more "See you later's."
La Crescenta, Crescenta Valley High School, this was in fact my silver lining.
I remember waking up on first day of senior year thinking, "Oh god, let's just get this fucking year over with." Planning to book it to Korea as soon as high school was over. Waking up every single day dreading my life and hating everything about high school. Ignoring everybody who told me that high school was the most memorable out of their whole lives.
Thinking back, I wish I took the time to stop and smell the roses.
Sitting at Vons for hours on end talking about anything on the top of our heads, sitting at the CV tracks talking about orange shirts and bean poles, pigging out at each other's housing, homemade tacos, rainbow cupcakes, misanthrop-ing it, walking into Ceramics class late, boba stop lunches, falling asleep in Korean class, talking much too loudly during Physiology, turning tomato red during Stats, failing license exams, getting license, driving around La Crescenta like we're the shit, bus-ing it to Glendale, weekend nrb days, walking around Korea town finding something to kill time, Deli Sis, Chipotle, feeling dangerous and popping a pill that failed miserably, experiencing weed and what was so great about it, all nighters because Facebook took too much time, being forced unto Prom, failed after-parties, daily Nutella sandwiches with a cup of coffee, cafeteria food, Senior Nachos, complaining about "dead town LCR," talking about how much high school was a pain in the ass...
This is in fact, High school. These are the memories I have made for my High school career, days I will never get back. Memories that will have no power except make me wish I had enjoyed high school a little more. How much will I miss high school? A lot, most definitely.
I planned on writing a blog about all the throw backs and how glad I would be that everything is finally over; but do I really even want high school to end?
I can't help but tear up as I read the closing of the 2010 yearbook story. Telling me, high school was in fact my silver lining. Why couldn't I have known this sooner?
Is it just me, or does everybody else find Dumbfoundead extremely charismatic? I've been waiting for this song to come out for forever. And I love it.
Oh yes, I am an avid, Korean, fangirl.
So, something interesting...
In my seventh grade English class, my teacher made us write letters to ourselves. Writing about our thoughts, our plans, whatever was going on in our lives back in the seventh grade. She said she'll send those letters back to us before we graduate high school.
That day, was today.
That letter was dated June 21, 2005.
It was quite funny actually. All I discussed was the superficial. Nothing important. Gossip here and there, what was going on in my seventh grade mind.
And as I was reading, all I could think about was, "Boy, was I a young, stupid, and blind kiddo."
And I give it to myself, you have matured. Immensely. And all I gotta say is, I'm really proud of you.
No matter how many times I tell myself "I am independent! I am independent!" I guess I was just lying to myself.
Sure, in many ways I can consider myself independent. But down to the nitty-gritty, when it sure comes down to it, I'm not.
It has finally hit me that three girls will not be going to Korea for the summer.
I think I already knew it. I just kept it off for as long as possible but it's already June and I can't be pretending like all is well and the plan is still on.
I don't know why, but it suddenly scared me that I will be going alone. Being over five thousand miles away from them. Not from family but from them. I got sudden thoughts thinking I'd be forgotten or replaced. Not that I don't have any faith in them, but thoughts being so away from them scared me.
It's somewhat like this:
I have seen them everyday for the past four years. School days, days of pain, days of boredom, days of endless laughs, days of adventures, days of pure hate, days of friendship. And somehow, I just can't see myself so far and for so long, away from them.
Then it hit me again, college. This is it. There is no more high school, walking to fourth period together, no snack time shenanigans, no lunch time hassles, nothing. There is no more coming back from summer meeting old friends and getting used to your new schedule. There is no more lockers, daily schedule on when to get to class, blasphemous electronic rules.
It won't be a daily activity talking to them, probably only once a week. If not, worse, once a month. It would be... different.
When did I become so dependent on these two? When was it almost impossible to go a day without speaking at least one word to them? Why did it suddenly become hard for me to go a day without sending a text as a simple hello?
When in the hell did I allow myself to, once again, find faith unto people? Catty girls? Girls in high school?
All in all, we will still be the three girls. Three gorJES girls. Taking different paths and finding our own meaning of life. Together in ways not having to always be, so... together.
I'll just have to let it be and get used to change.
Like I said, I am, in fact, going to Korea over the summer. As a vacation, family time, and figuring out my life. Ha, I have been told to try to figure out my life in Korea and find an unrelenting passion that I would like to pursue. So I imagine myself sitting on a bench eating a plate of ddukbokki.
