Fuck You Very Much, Please.

Annoyed, angry, disappointed, saddened.
You know, you really can't please everybody.
And maybe, you can't even please anybody.
I'm so sick of people and yeah, I really am in a hating everybody moment. But I'm not going to lie, I hate every single bitch and bastard living right now. There is nobody that I can think of that doesn't get a little bit of hate in me right now.
I want to get out and I don't know why life makes it so hard for me to get out of here.
I want to go somewhere far, far away where nobody will know me. Not even know my name. Not know anything about me. Nothing at all, that I can even create a whole new identity for myself that they wouldn't know.
Right now I would just like to scream at the top of my lungs, yell curse words as loud as possible, hit each and everybody with all my might, and maybe, just maybe, wrap myself in my blanket and cry.
How much do people know me?
Do you know me or do you know my name and past whispers around my name? Do you know my name or my story? Do you know presently me or do you know my past, present, and future me?
What the fuck do you know about me?

I'm really done trying.
I really can't keep trying on something that will keep tripping me.
My walls are up and I'm finished with trying.

This isn't your business.

I have a massive, massive, massive headache right now.
And it is currently 2:38AM, whereas I have to be awake at 6:30AM to make it on time to my music class. Where I will be receiving a grade no higher than a B, due to my constant lateness and absences.
But I can't fall asleep because I am freaking the fuck out.
This community college ordeal isn't working out too well for me. In so many ways.
Half having to do with my laziness and inability to focus on my school work.
Like right now, instead of wasting my time complaining and worrying about my lack of work drive, I should attempt to memorize Hirigana or start my English essay. Why have I dropped Sociology? I'm not even a Sociology major and it really doesn't matter if I get a C or not. Do I really want to be a business major? Am I really not going to focus on my school work?
This is all starting to rush into my head. Because I've only just realized that, this is it.
There are no more second chances. If you screw up now, then you'll be making eight dollars an hour for the rest of your life.
That W you just received for dropping Sociology, will stay on your transcript for the rest of your life.
Is Business your passion? Are you willing to work in the business field for the rest of your life?
This is all freaking me out.
Is everybody else so sure of themselves? I'm only eighteen!
Isn't it the time for me to not give a fuck and party all I want? Or am I too old for it?
How am I supposed to make these life changing decisions at such a young age?
Am I not young?

2 Year Winter

I shouldn't even be on here, tumblr, or twitter. I have so much to do in so little time. And I really would like to sleep or start Harry Potter 7 so I can be ready for the movie Thursday night.
But I have so much to say and so many thoughts that I can't seem to comprehend.
I don't understand myself.
How can I still be thinking these thoughts? Wasn't I over this?
How am I still thinking of you? Blissfully, yet overbearingly, wishing for change. Wishing for our fates to clash once more. Telling myself that the second time, surely will be different. How can I still be thinking of you? How can I still miss you?
Am I even really missing you? Am I missing you or am I missing those feelings?
But why can't I seem to allow myself the same feelings? Someone once told me that I might have just been imagining you. Because, maybe, I just exaggerated you and you really aren't that great.
Do you know what I responded? I answered flatly, no, you are.
I don't understand how I can still be thinking these thoughts.
I was over this. I've been over this.
This is starting to scare me. I don't understand what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. How? Someone answer me. How am I still thinking these thoughts? Have I ever even truly been over this?
I'm telling myself that I only miss the feelings but inside I know it's not. Because if it were just feelings, I would be moving happily along. Because if it were just feelings, I would have allowed myself happiness a few months ago. But I know it's not.
I'm missing you. In the flesh. And I don't understand how this could be possible.
It's been way too long for me to still be pondering over useless thoughts and powerless memories. Memories so old that I can't even seem to fully remember what happened.
Time has changed so many things. It has changed me, you, us. It has changed me, but how can I still be waiting for our fates to clash once more? How is it that, I wouldn't give up the world to erase these memories? These powerless memories?
I am admitting this in ink, and never once have I fully admitted this to myself;
I'm not over it. Even if it's been years, I'm not over it.
I miss you so much that I pray to somehow see you. Even if its just for a few seconds.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with me?

No Love.

At it again.
I'm sick of everything and I just want to disappear.

Fuck this life and fuck this place.
I want to get out. How long, how loud, how much do I have to say it.
I want to get the fuck out of here. I need to get out of here.

Why can't I just get out and go somewhere where nobody knows me.

Fuck this.