Changes.

If you had a friend of over 20 years, maybe more, maybe less, and that best friend were to have tooken everything from you, would you have forgiven that friend? This friend of yours, a friend who you've considered family and you took care of when their parent's passed away, takes away absolutely everything. This friend takes your husband, your child, your home, your family all away from you; Even tried to drown you in the ocean when you're deathly afraid of water. As if my friend shoves me into a room filled with spiders! So after coming out of the water 2 days later, gasping for air and having to give up the child in your stomach, you take revenge. Because, she took away everything; you have the right. You end up taking your husband back, her job, and even making her homeless; but she still won't give up. Her pride is in the way, still trying to ruin your life. But suddenly, what if she got diagnosed with the last stage of cancer? She's got no where to go, her only son suffering with her. She has no money, no home, and no family. Would you help her? Would you forget everything she's done to you and decide to provide her a home she's constantly tried to ruin? Would you pay for her medical bills when she left you broke and homeless?
It's a controversial question, isn't it?
... I think I'd end up forgiving that friend, even if it's the hardest thing to. Hell, I think I'd help the damned devil if I'd see him in so much pain.
... Not the real reason I decided to blog. But it came across my mind countless times this week.

"No one ever said life was going to be fair. That same person must’ve also said that things happen for a reason. A change always hurts; it’s the kind of pain that causes anguish and resentment. But, somehow in the long run, it works out. The change starts to assimilate into our lives, and before we know it? We've learned to live with it."

--I think this is one of the smartest quotes I've ever read in my life. And yet again, comes from the author of my lovely stories written online. ... LOL? Life's never fair, change is a must, moving on? An always.
Life and change, it's all inevitable. Once we're brought into this world by our mother's we're bound for it all. Except for moving on. Moving on, it only works when you, yourself decides it. Moving on takes effort. For those who never make the effort and never get the fact that change has already come and gone, they're weak. They're weak and stubborn. They don't have the willpower to accept the facts and find a way to move on.
Suicide? I find it a weakness. Maybe the power to be able to end their own lives, in that sense; very strong, heck, brave! But it's still running away. Once you're running, I swear, you'll always be running.
And, change? It's not really all that bad. Sooner or later, it blossoms into something good. And I'm pretty damn sure it doesn't turn out all that bad. Haha, and I'm the master at moving on, right?
Ever wonder why Korea's so beautiful? Almost brings me to tears..

How's my "closed" blog for a change? :)

So fresh.

So, the week went by in a jiff, and it's already back to school. AP and my SAT's are coming up and I haven't studied one bit. I haven't even touched my backpack. This worries me.

You ever have the feeling of being "recharged?"
This weekend I started to feel a sense of relief. It's as if I've finally overcome that mountain I've been trying to get over. I don't know what it is, but I'm starting to finally "get over it."
I've set myself new goals, set my priorities straight, and just gave myself some time to straighten things out. And I feel so much more... happier? No, I can't really say happy; but I feel a lot more fresh.
I don't think people know this, but I'm a very very narrow minded person. I don't find true happiness in anything, just yet. I have this theory where I can't be "happy" unless I achieve my goal.
You know, I like myself a lot more last year than now. Last year I was so much more hardworking and determined. I had my goals set and I made sure nothing got in my way. This year, I'm a lazy, complain-y, confused junior. I went against so many of my morals, I lost sight of what I was aiming for, and I became so much more vulnerable.
So this weekend, I changed a lot of my ideas and morals and I plan on keeping them.
I'm not just switching around some of plans and goals, I've decided to change as a whole.

For the sake of everything, I decided to stop blogging on so much of my crap and exposing too much of myself, I'd blog normally. (: You know, change can sometimes be a good thing.

This weekend, I've been very artsy. I sat down and painted and drew different things for the whole night. I just sat and listened to my ipod and relaxed. I never really noticed it, but I really do love art. Well when I'm in the mood. Music really helps.
Stop & Listen.
This is my favorite song at the moment. It's on repeat and it actually helps me fall asleep. I'm listening to it while reading, painting, drawing, coloring, walking, sitting, and just everything. It was also mentioned in WTTU.(:
I think music is an essential need in my life, I really can't imagine living without music. I wish we had background music. If I were to go deaf, I really would kill myself. I'm so serious. How could I go on living without being able to listen to Chariot?

That guy up there is super hot, huh? Yeah, he's my latest. He reminds me a little of that one fictional guy I'm head over heels in love with. Except the fact he's a little too skinny for the "gang leading" image. Nonetheless, he still reminds me a bit about my Kwon. (:
Thank you, Emma darling for introducing!

I'm crazy, absoluely insane.

It's currently-- 6:49 am.
Why am I up so early? It's because I haven't fallen asleep yet. I don't think I've got just a slight case of insomnia; I think I've just been diagnosed with chronic insomnia. Either I've got my days and nights mixed up, but I'm pretty sure it's the insomnia. I just don't seem to fall into sleep, unless it's a very very light slumber; with me waking up at the slightest sounds. And I've already consumed all the cold medicine for me to become a bit drowsy. This is an issue.. But don't we all have issues? And I think we both know I've already got enough psycho issues. Haha.

I've already explained my pathetic-ness on my obsession with my online stories. Yes, I think I've become entirely consumed with these stories that amazing authors publish online. I sound so freaking pathetic but honestly, I find them to be super duper amusing; although the time consuming-ness of it. And while reading, I don't even feel any type of my usual always-hungry-ness! Amazing, isn't it? It gets me to shut up and sit with my random "Holy mother fcuking sh!t, he's hot" spazzes.
Hence, adding on to my craziness..

Please don't find me pathetic.

Don't you dare find me pathetic because I'm in love with a fictional character(s).

Don't you dare call me pathetic because I'm starting to find some sort of hope outta' this.
Don't you dare call me insane because I'm almost living in it.
Don't you dare call me psycho because I'm almost hullucinating into thinking everything is real.
Don't you dare call me crazy because I'm willing(already pretty much did) giving up my spring break for these.
And, don't you dare get annoyed/ignore my spazzisms about these.


Okay, I admit my sudden 'likings' are a little overboard. Heck, obsession is too small of a word to describe my sudden likings to certain things(people). My sudden 'boy-crazy' is only because of how these authors portray these badboy, mean; yet kind and caring, peeeeeeeerfect guys. They know exactly how to respond at the perfect time, they have the perfect words to say, they aren't corny, nice boys I find disgusting, fighting, gun-holding, gang-leading guys; they've got me hooked.
Hence, they're fictional... and a figment of my imagination, I really can't help it.

Sometimes I do wish I can just go off searching for 'Paris.' Although there's bound to be flaws, bumps along the road, and becoming lost searching for Paris.. Because, Paris is worth it. I sound so... pathetic, lame, crazy but I really can't help it. I want to forget about everything, my dreams, my hopes, and just go off to find that one moment.
Isn't it crazy how every smile, every tear, happy and sad memories, big or small; bring us all down to just this one moment?
Every moment we've already lived, it brings us back down to th present..



"I have a lake house—it’s about 5 hours out of the city. It’s secluded and very scenic. I haven’t been there in awhile and I feel like going again. It’ll be nice, you’ll like it there.' He said confidently before quickly adding, 'Plus there’s ducks.'

Yoori furrowed her brows in confusion, 'Why would that be a deciding factor for me?'

He scoffed defensively, slightly taken aback by her less than graceful reaction to the breadwinner he was using as his catalytic persuasion, 'I don’t know. Don’t girls like ducks?'

Yoori scoffed at his generalizing assumption. 'I like to eat them.'

He frowned, 'Well there’s ducks frolicking around my lake house and I think that should be the final deciding factor to make you jump out of bed. I thought you’d be one of those girls who actually adores the ‘cuteness’ of ducks. Either way, you can ‘ooh and ah’ them or chase after them with my gun. I could care less; all I care is that you go. '"

:) <3333333333333333333333333333

"That is until he broke her trance when he suddenly averted his eyes back onto her. Obviously noting her awe-like stare on him, he gave her an awkward look.'What are you thinking about?'

'You.' She answered mindlessly.

Her eyes then grew huge when pried herself out of her unwarranted stupor. ‘SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!’

'I MEAN! Y-YOU!!' She struggled to find a plausible alternative for her blunt and unfiltered answer. ‘AHHHH!!!’ She thought panicking as her mind ran in circles.

She then caught sight of a duck waddling beside them.

A flickering light bulb turned on…

This was definitely not her best alternative but it was the only one she could think of in her state of panic.

‘Oh God…I’m going to sound so effin stupid---.’

'Yo—Y--YOU STUPID DUCK! PADDLE FASTER! YOU’RE IN OUR WAY!”

... If I had one wish right now, at this exact moment; without me having to think about the future...

I'd experience the magic of Paris.

I honestly wish someone would get it.
I really wish someone would sincerely understand.
I wish someone actually knew me.
I wish I'd give someone a chance to get to know me.
..I wish I really knew myself.
I think I lead a crappy life. Most of all, such a fake life.