2AM in Cali

On repeat for the last three days.

Where did all the summer-loving go?
Officially starting college tomorrow, wait, technically today. I can't say I'm dreading it but I can't say I'll be enjoying it.
It's funny how many times in life you will be climbing up to the top, and life will place you back onto the bottom. Hello freshmen year.
Change is coming at me so fast. I can't bear myself to keep up with it.
Why is it that when we're young, all we want to be is older? Why is it that when we think it's the end of the world, it is only the beginning?
As everyone is preparing to start a new life and write a new chapter unto their lives, I'm here standing watching all this change unwind.
But I just want everyone to know, I'm ready to take on this new challenge. Whether I like it or not, I'm ready.
I'm ready to take on college, I'm ready to accept the change to come, and I'm ready for any negative feelings I'm bound to feel.
And to my friends I have spent with throughout the most wonderful summer, I will see you soon rather than later, because sooner is better. And good-bye's are not part of our vocabulary. I will see you all on Friday night and will be ready to say my see-you-soon's.
I've got my pen in hand and I'm ready to write the next chapter of my life.
College? Bring it on.

I Have Over 20 Drafts For the Month of August.

I have a lot to say. I always have a lot to say. There are so many topics I wish to talk about; my thoughts, predicaments, and wonders on life. I just don't really know how to express myself. We'll see how this goes.
The summer is coming to a close and I don't know whether I am happy or sad about it. I've been feeling quite a lot lately and I don't know if it's good or bad. Is knowing somebody too much always a good thing? Then again, whoever said it was a good thing. For all we know, it may unknowingly take a negative toll.
I wish I could understand. I'd really just like to understand.
I don't think I understand the meaning of anything anymore.
You know what? I don't really want to talk about gut feelings anymore.

What’s the most resilient parasite? An idea.A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules.

Pistanthrophobia.

Do you know what I just realized?
I have no friend to tell this to.

Supreme Team, You and I.

I've got a lot on my mind today. Half that absolutely needs to be said over blogspot.

However, I'm in quite a dilemma and unfortunately, I think I must put my thoughts on hold for another day.

Why? Because I have no music to listen to while I'm typing away. Momo has chewed on my earphones and ripped away my music time as well. Sure, I can put my ipod on my speakers but I wouldn't want to wake the family.

Just kidding, I don't care if I wake them.

But I'm picky. And I like to listen to my music on earphones. No speakers, no headphones. Earphones or nothing.

When I'm typing that is.

So until I find some time (mostly money), hold that thought!

Haunted by Phantoms.

It's the beginning of the month and how I have found myself in another meltdown amazes me. Quite frankly I have been finding myself in many "meltdowns" quite often. Has it been days, weeks, months?

Lately I've been feeling utterly disgusted with myself. I feel as if I've grown into a remorseful person. I'm in a constant battle with myself and it's almost as if I am not, who I really am. Strangely, I don't feel like myself. It's as if I'm watching myself go about through the day and shaking my head in disapproval. It's as if my inner demons have come out and I have no control over myself.

In all honesty, I'm deathly afraid.

But what scares me more is I don't seem to know what I'm afraid of.

I'm scared of the future, my sleeping schedule, my tattoos that I wish to etch out of my own flesh, my random desire to simply disappear. I'm scared because I am afraid. And I'm scared of myself.

I don't know what else to say.

I just want to get myself out of whatever the hell I'm feeling and in. I want to change as a person.

I feel hate, evil, dirty, disgust, remorse.

I want this to all end.