Sweet! Just ate a bowl of fat!!

Just giving myself a what's up.

I don't know why the hell I'm on my laptop doing Facebook. And here I am now, writing this pointless blog. I got home around ten thirty, vowing to start my essay. It's 12:04AM, I've just got a pile of random papers and a stomach full of fat. I love my life?

Tomorrow is my last spirit assembly. Bittersweet. How is it that four years have passed by me so quickly, without me even noticing? I remember sitting on the underclassmen side of the gym during my freshman year. I remember being surprised that I was 'already in high school.'

Now tell me, how is it that I'm already graduating in two months?

This is nuts.

And yet again, I had to sit through another talk about my future and college.

It's not that I don't care, trust me, it's the only thing I think about these days. It's just that I don't know. Why can't I just want to get out and that be my plans for now? Why can't I just want to experience a little more to life than simply reading a book and memorizing formulas? What if I don't want to work under someone, work with someone, or work behind an office desk? I don't like blood, being a doctor is out of the question. I love animals, but I will not euthanize an animal. I don't like repeated days, no office work. I suck at working under a constant pressure, not working under someone. What if I just want to live on a constant run? Finding happiness in the smaller things? Finding hope in small acts of kindness given by people on the streets? What if I'm just sick of everything?

All the while, the more events to come to keep me somewhat excited.

Tomorrow, like I said, the last spirit assembly. Then sleeping at the Wii Spa with Susie, Ryan, and maybe Michel until 4AM and then hitting the ever-so consistent twenty-four hour BCD. Then coming straight to school, Friday morning.

'Cus baby, without the bittersweet, the sweet ain't as sweet.

But I'm cursed so never mind.

I have found myself in yet another predicament.

For the past two days, all people have been talking about is college and future plans. Just freaking awesome.

So, for two days I have been hearing people talk about how excited they were about the college life, dorms, the campus, everything. And as I was listening, I just wanted to begin to bawl, right then and there.

As immature, cliche, and annoying it is of me to say this: it just wasn't fair.

No matter how much I'm dying to get out of high school and wish time would just fly pass me to June 18, I want time to freeze and rewind at the same time. I want to change so much and wish I would have done things differently.

In two months time, sure, I'd be out of high school. Sure, I'll finally be in Korea, doing things I've been planning for years.

But after Korea, after the summer, where will I end up?

A community college.

There is noway in hell am I getting out in two years.

What I'm going to do with my life? I have no fucking clue.

What's good?!

Contrary to my disappointments to my future plans; the little good things in life.

I admit it, I sound like a hater in my blog. In an emotional wreck all the time, fighting mood swings, and it seems like I've got this "Fuck the World" mentality.

But let me just tell you, that's only half true.

True, I hate practically half my class and three-fourths my school. Not that I'm any better, because I'm not, but they disgust me with their inability to speak of things that matter. Okay, the little things that matter to me are absolutely ridiculous, I know that. But it's mine and it makes me happy, right?

Yeah, my blogs are all about the "hell" I'm dealing with and it may sound stupid to others, but we're all different, yet all the same. Just with different internal wars we're fighting. And to each our own, we think it's the hardest thing we have to struggle through.

Yep, I hate this, I hate that. Fuck this, fuck that.

What're the good things in life, in my life?

I love the rain, I love the little drops of water it leaves on my windows. I love lightening and thunder storms, they fascinate me. I love the cold, I love being cold, yet still warm. I love bookstores, I am able to experience another person's life. I love coffee, the caffeine keeps me awake and the smell is delightful. I love bicycles, they simply make me happy. I love sleepless cities, they're a bit of everything. I love Seoul, Korea; they make dreams come true. I love rainy cities, they are both sad and happy all at once. I love vespas, simply because they're almost like bicycles but easier to ride. I love cats, Momo and every other cat in this world. I love staying up until dawn, it gives me time for myself. I love conversations after 10PM, it's a good sentimentality. I love my best friends, we are goofy yet serious in ways indescribable. I love my friends, we are all goof balls. I love music, more than anything. I love my grandma, she tells me "This was made out of love," whenever she cooks for me. I love talking, I can tell stories. I love listening, I can hear stories. I love laughing, it's got a sense of peace into it. I love imagining, I'm allowed into another world. I love the Audi r8, TT, A4, they're not little, but they are the only cars I love. I love blogspot, it's always there for my hands to type away. I love, I love, I love.

I am a lover, not a fighter.

In next years time, there is only one place I belong, and I don't know how to get there.

I am an Endless Dreamer with Endless Nights.

It's kind of weird, but I kind of enjoy being in complete solitude.

Not because I'm depressed or because I don't want to spend time with people.

It's almost like I kind of have to spend time alone after being with others for a certain amount of time.

It's like I almost run out of words to say and my mind becomes exhausted after having to keep people company for too long.

Concluding; I enjoy being around people who don't necessarily need a conversation to feel comfortable.

One thing true about me is that I am a very inconsistent person.

I never follow through to my words.

Last week I told myself I wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, this week I'm lying to myself of the bigger, better opportunities to come.

One more thing I know about myself,

I'm walking in circles and I always will be if I keep this up.

"Life is a storm. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout, 'Do your worst, for I will do mine!"

-The Count of Montecristo