My temper is getting cut short these days. People are starting to piss me off. Which is ironic because I'm a person too. But it doesn't matter because it's not like I'm going to voice it out or anything. I hate making people priorities, when I'm left as an option. It might not even occur to them that they're doing but, you know what? I quit being understanding. And, too bad I'm freaking over it. Fuck you. And I honestly don't care if it hurts or not. Fuck you and your unecessary shit. I'm unforgiving, unwelcoming, and I'm a bitch.
I heard something funny today, something that was supposed to make me happy.
Should have made me happy.
Do you know what I hate the most? I hate time. I hate numbers. I hate waiting. I never want to have to wait ever again, never have to anticipate something. But, you know what I hate the most? I hate obsessing. I hate obsessing. I hate obsessive. I want it to get the fuck away from me.
You know, just this once I thought something was working in my light. Just this once, I thought I was given the chance to make everything happen. Just this once, I thought I was given the opportunity to shine in my own light and to learn to live on my own. Despite my selfishness and greediness, I thought everything was going to be alright. I was planning my life on a dream and I just woke up.
I wanted everything for myself, putting myself in front of everybody else. I didn't like the change, but I found some way to make it happen, selfishly. And somehow, I thought everything would work out. Fuck it. Nothing works out how I want it, anyway. I'm a hater.
I am having major writer's block and I can't seem to write my Short Response. It tells me to share my backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. With that, they want me to explain how I'd contribute to my college of choice. I sit, think, and I get stuck. I try to think of something "dazzling," something to make my application a little more zesty. Then it hits me that I really don't have anything to offer. I like to sit, sleep, eat, listen to music and I whine and complain like there's no tomorrow. I don't think I'm mature enough for college and I don't think I've exactly found myself just yet. Maybe I just might have to pull back my life two more years.
