"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you wanted."
Such a long, dragged out week. I missed two days of school, and let's not forget last week's Friday. Skipped third period yesterday. Yet everything is so much more draining this week. Filled with unwanted thoughts, reorganizing thoughts, deleting thoughts, even more unwanted thoughts, new unwanted thoughts, forgetting thoughts, reminiscent thoughts, everything having to do with the thinking process.
Success.
No, nothing important and anything that matters.
Remember Me was a success.
Left school as soon as second ended and drove home to find my wallet, found it. In my car. Good gas, wasted.
Drove to Office Depot bought two packs of paper. Five bucks down the drain.
Talked on the phone for a bit and found myself with fading hope and unwanted thoughts.
Drove to the Americana, drove around the parking lot trying to find a parking spot I'd succeed in. Took quite a while. Got lost in the parking lot, found my way out. Walked over to the theater, bought my ticket. Ten bucks down the drain. Fifteen down, five more to go. Was starving but went in the theater empty handed with thoughts that were already eating my starving mind. Remember Me allowed me to stop thinking for a while, but as soon as I happily realized I'd 'forgotten,' my mind reverted back to what I was trying to not think of. I concentrated my mind on 50% of the movie while the other 50% wandered. Though, Remember Me helped me realize certain things that I believed wasn't true.
Let's just say,
the bad things always end up with the good people.
Ran away from the movie theater as soon as it ended. Walked to Border's with a pace too tiring for me to think of the unwanted. Liked it, ran up the stairs and found the book I was looking for. A ten dollar giftcard and only five bucks left, I could not afford the $14.99 book. Because I might have to pay for parking, didn't take the chance and worried over tax and bought another $7.99 book from the same author. Opted to stay for a few minutes to start the book or to study some of the math I've forgotten in the few days of my languid-ness. Found a seat in the cafe, looked at the name of it. Disgusted, worried, anxious, saddened, I got out of there as soon as possible.
Walked to the parking lot, wandered for a good ten minutes trying to remember where I parked.
Found it, drove down and found out the movie validated three hours of parking. Smiled to myself like an idiot and drove home. Came home, and as I sat in my car waiting a bit to absorb everything, got another phone call. With hope already down and gone, I tried to end the phone call as soon as possible. I didn't want to hear anymore and I didn't want to say anything unnecessary or anything that might come off as if I was losing.
Silly, when the battle had already ended and I had already lost.
Hung up the phone as soon as possible. Tried to get lost into the novel, found my brain wandering unto thoughts I have long put away and forced to never think about.
I fell into a deep sleep. Answering a phone call in between and being an idiot and bailed on yoga.
Woke up at 7:08, only to find an angry mother and an un-showered me. Showered until 7:34, which was considered late apparently. Got my keys taken away, stuck home with wet hair and my book. Missed school again, joy.
Tried to lose myself in the book. Fell asleep yet again, unto a deep sleep.
Sleep is good. Because, when awake, our lives have the tendency to fall apart.
Lost myself in dreams impossible to the world, until I found myself in a different surrounding. Real and possible. Almost as if it wasn't even a dream and reality. My thoughts found me in my dreams and exposed everything I've been trying to forget this past week. In the past I would have found it a dream, but I woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare.
Found that I had a missed call. I didn't call back. No more of it. No more of hope falling and rising, all to crash further than before. No more.
First week with withdrawals and finding a different path.
Now let me just tell you,
this week is taking a year to end.
