I don't give fucks anymore

I will never really understand the concept of birthdays.
Why would I want to celebrate the day of my birth... I've been asking to crawl back into my mother's womb for the past twenty years and I don't see how a cake and balloons make up for the all the dumb shit life puts us through. It's such a mystery to me.
Fuck, though.
Twenty one and I still don't know who the fuck I am or what I'm even doing with my life.
Which brings me to my next order of thought- how are some of you so in sync with life? I don't understand how so many people are so sure of their goals and I'm sitting here wondering what the fuck I'm going to have for breakfast later today.
It's 5:32 AM. I guess I mean a late, late, late breakfast- when I wake up later.

Nonetheless, I've cut quite an important figure out of my life recently. And it's been over a month since I've heard any news of him. I'm not going to lie, I constantly meddled with the thought of rekindling our friendship. I mean, four years of prominent memories. I know this person so well that I can read the thoughts on his mind. How could I not question this decision? But I thought about it and realized I really didn't need his company anymore. Those memories can paint me perfect pictures, but it does me nothing.
There's a reason as to why I decided that I didn't need this person in my life anymore.
Often times, when looking in retrospect, we tend to only see what we want to see. We never remember the darker parts of our past and forget the reason why certain things don't seem to work out.
In short- stop romanticizing the past.
And that's what I'm working on right now.

People continue to play an interesting role in my life. As much as I fucking hate them- I need them more than anything else.
You people exhaust me. That's all I have to say about you all.

The Police - Roxanne

                                    Message in a Bottle

I found Seattle stuck in my heart, again.
And my brother tells me that marijuana is legalized over there.
You can find me there in a few years.
Green, I'm coming for ya.

I certainly hope you mean weed. But a cup of tea along with a bowl will do me just fine. I've been quite into drinking tea lately. Iced, because I was never a fan of hot drinks. 

And I never will not want to get high. It's beginning to scare me.

I have literally been smoking multiple grams at a time and my cash flow can't seem to be keep up. My no source of income continues to mess up my high life. 

Money is the mother fucking anthem.

*My perspective is perpetually changing and I will never keep up with my mind. Don't take anything I ever say too seriously because tomorrow, I might start believing the past is the home of my heart. 

I am a contradiction and, most times, a fucking phony. And you can't hold me accountable for it. As soon as I publish this blog post, realize that this version of Cat is dead and I am a completely different person from what you've just read about my thoughts. 

Fuck what you think and your opinion of me because it doesn't matter. I am no longer relevant.