I really don't like people - i guess i'm stuck with cats for the long run.
the holidays are coming up
and every year i just feel all the more dead.
and i can feel the deterioration of my soul rotting all the more grotesquely as each year goes by.
the day i enter the damned inferno looms closer than ever, i suppose.
sometimes i feel like i'm not taken seriously enough.
and people can just shit on me all they want because my feelings don't matter and i'm not someone with valid enough thoughts or ideas.
i don't really get it, to be honest.
but i've given up fighting for myself long time ago
then again,
i've also come into the realization that i have huge self-destructive tendencies
and i manage to sabotage every. single. one of my relationships.
i'm an utterly sickening person to be around. i honestly get that.
but like
why am i always pouring out all these feelings and emotions and thoughts unto people who won't even give me the time of day?
i get that i am a dripping drag to be around all the time, but i try
and i always end up getting fucked over because of that.
whether it be me losing face, losing emotions, losing something of fucking monetary value.
like what the fuck do i get in the end? nothing.
and i turn into this great empty mess. just completely barren and broken.
i shouldn't let people matter to me this much
people are toxic.
