This is not reality. This is Real.

Everything is kind of unrealistic. Now, I mean. How, in a few months, everyone will be going off into different directions, making their own form of mark onto this world. Maybe I'm getting too ahead of myself, but everything is so... unreal and so fast paced. Imagining myself one year later, is like a whole new chapter in my life. Whether these people made even the smallest difference in my life, the people I've seen every day, awkwardly saying hello or tackling them down with a bear hug. Then there's the people who have made bigger impacts, girls who I've had memories with, who I have held actual conversations with. And then, there are my unappreciative, ugly, mean, bratty, inconsistent, slutty, artistic friends ...People, most, if not all, I won't be able to see, contact, and one day, even care about.
(JES Requirements: Once a week letters that come from the mail, once a month packages filled with cute college, NYC/RISD!!! stuff, daily emails, and weekly phone calls, visitations during vacations, ABSOLUTELY NO replacing for more 'artisitic' people. Freaking hate you, uglies..)





I noticed how unrealistic of a person I am. I hate reality and I've continued to constantly refuse to accept it. Yes, I'm a dreamer. I like to fantasize my life and block out reality's crap.I don't care about more than half the things that matter and I like to doze off while listening to all the important things in life. My goals are so unrealistic. My mom thinks I don't know, but I do. I know my dreams are unrealistic, my goals are unrealistic, my reasons are ridiculously unrealistic.
Everybody's moving at such a fast pace. It's like everybody's moving forward and I'm just standing, looking lost. It's like everybody knows what they want to be these days, what they want to major in, where they see themselves in five years.
It's like every little thought I've had regarding my future, it's all so unrealistic.
As I had a meal with a friend today, we began to talk about our future. As usual, but we came onto the topic of our goals. That one goal, that we've always been able to escape to. How we'd live the life and be on top of everything. Then talking on the real, how real could this dream be if money was never an issue? How would this dream gain momentum? How would we get ourselves on top?

This is not reality, this is fucking real.



I really wish I could get these fantasies out of my head and rid myself of my dreams.
I want my obsessions to get the hell away from me and I want to forget all my hopes that I had for college.