So... Something funny...
I'm not independent!
Ha, who knew?! Because I sure didn't.
No matter how many times I tell myself "I am independent! I am independent!" I guess I was just lying to myself.
Sure, in many ways I can consider myself independent. But down to the nitty-gritty, when it sure comes down to it, I'm not.
It has finally hit me that three girls will not be going to Korea for the summer.
I think I already knew it. I just kept it off for as long as possible but it's already June and I can't be pretending like all is well and the plan is still on.
I don't know why, but it suddenly scared me that I will be going alone. Being over five thousand miles away from them. Not from family but from them. I got sudden thoughts thinking I'd be forgotten or replaced. Not that I don't have any faith in them, but thoughts being so away from them scared me.
It's somewhat like this:
I have seen them everyday for the past four years. School days, days of pain, days of boredom, days of endless laughs, days of adventures, days of pure hate, days of friendship. And somehow, I just can't see myself so far and for so long, away from them.
Then it hit me again, college. This is it. There is no more high school, walking to fourth period together, no snack time shenanigans, no lunch time hassles, nothing. There is no more coming back from summer meeting old friends and getting used to your new schedule. There is no more lockers, daily schedule on when to get to class, blasphemous electronic rules.
It won't be a daily activity talking to them, probably only once a week. If not, worse, once a month. It would be... different.
When did I become so dependent on these two? When was it almost impossible to go a day without speaking at least one word to them? Why did it suddenly become hard for me to go a day without sending a text as a simple hello?
When in the hell did I allow myself to, once again, find faith unto people? Catty girls? Girls in high school?
All in all, we will still be the three girls. Three gorJES girls. Taking different paths and finding our own meaning of life. Together in ways not having to always be, so... together.
I'll just have to let it be and get used to change.
Like I said, I am, in fact, going to Korea over the summer. As a vacation, family time, and figuring out my life. Ha, I have been told to try to figure out my life in Korea and find an unrelenting passion that I would like to pursue. So I imagine myself sitting on a bench eating a plate of ddukbokki.
All the while, a very busy month. I will be back.
