I shouldn't even be on here, tumblr, or twitter. I have so much to do in so little time. And I really would like to sleep or start Harry Potter 7 so I can be ready for the movie Thursday night.
But I have so much to say and so many thoughts that I can't seem to comprehend.
I don't understand myself.
How can I still be thinking these thoughts? Wasn't I over this?
How am I still thinking of you? Blissfully, yet overbearingly, wishing for change. Wishing for our fates to clash once more. Telling myself that the second time, surely will be different. How can I still be thinking of you? How can I still miss you?
Am I even really missing you? Am I missing you or am I missing those feelings?
But why can't I seem to allow myself the same feelings? Someone once told me that I might have just been imagining you. Because, maybe, I just exaggerated you and you really aren't that great.
Do you know what I responded? I answered flatly, no, you are.
I don't understand how I can still be thinking these thoughts.
I was over this. I've been over this.
This is starting to scare me. I don't understand what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. How? Someone answer me. How am I still thinking these thoughts? Have I ever even truly been over this?
I'm telling myself that I only miss the feelings but inside I know it's not. Because if it were just feelings, I would be moving happily along. Because if it were just feelings, I would have allowed myself happiness a few months ago. But I know it's not.
I'm missing you. In the flesh. And I don't understand how this could be possible.
It's been way too long for me to still be pondering over useless thoughts and powerless memories. Memories so old that I can't even seem to fully remember what happened.
Time has changed so many things. It has changed me, you, us. It has changed me, but how can I still be waiting for our fates to clash once more? How is it that, I wouldn't give up the world to erase these memories? These powerless memories?
I am admitting this in ink, and never once have I fully admitted this to myself;
I'm not over it. Even if it's been years, I'm not over it.
I miss you so much that I pray to somehow see you. Even if its just for a few seconds.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with me?
