Who I am-- To you, the world, to myself.

I think I'm trying too hard to try to be someone I'm not. Maybe a part of me wishes to be that kind of person, but I don't think I ever truly will be. It's just not me and it's making me lose myself as I try so hard to be somebody I'm not. I try to be this person who doesn't care about anything at all and I try so hard to be mean. I try to be this unwelcoming and dark person, but it simply isn't me.
I'm complicating and hard to please. I'm a nuisance and I care. I'm constantly running around freaking out about something, trying to find something out of nothing. I over think every little detail and will never forget an insult or criticism that hurts my pride. I like to watch movies, with or without people. My imagination will reach the stars and I've got hundreds of dreams that may or may not be possible. My mind is never at a stop and constantly running around on one thought or another. I like to sit and talk about nothing for hours on end and making up stories in my mind. I'm in love with my imagination and I fall in love with figments of people that I know. I'm a people-person and will always care for them whether I want to or not. I stay awake during the night thinking about every little detail of my day and try to find where I went wrong. As much as I have a "fuck it" attitude, I will obsess over it and try to fix the problem. I'm terrible at letting go and saying goodbye. I'm independent but I am also dependent. I like people too much but I'm afraid that maybe, I like them a lot more than they like me. I have problems with trust and I value honesty more than anything. I have pride issues and can't admit my feelings to people. And by the end of the day I think I know myself, but I don't.
I expect too much from people, maybe? Because how can I expect anybody to understand me and where I come from when I can't even understand myself. How can I expect people to love me when I can barely even like myself? How would I be able to expect somebody to accept me when I'm afraid of acceptance?

I don't know why I can't just accept myself for who I am. I don't think anybody can. Maybe everybody else is like this, too; they try to be somebody they're not.
It's scary, though. Because by the end of the day, you're still "you" and no matter how much you try to alter yourself and your personality, you lie deep inside the facade you put up. No matter how much I act like I'm an uncaring bitch and somebody who just doesn't give a fuck, I care too much and I just want to be accepted.

But this is what confuses me, I don't enjoy acceptance. It takes me back a few steps because, who would ever tolerate a person like me? I question their sanity and what has made them so terribly jaded that they would accept me? I begin to feel scared, incompetent, and inferior. It overwhelms me and I feel guilty that I have somehow tricked them into thinking that I am somebody that I am not.
I think this is where the problem lies. I wonder when I'll ever be able to accept myself? If I ever even will? Because I can never expect somebody to accept me for who I am if I can't even tolerate myself.
I will never be that girl. I will never be that girl I'm in love with and will never succeed in it because it simply isn't who I am. Is this normal to not be able to accept yourself?