I don't think I have ever once got what I really wanted. And I don't mean materialistically speaking. I can't explain it but I just feel like this is another one of my missed chances simply because of who I am and how I've grown to be this kind of person.
Timid and complex, yet simply self-conscious. It almost makes me want to shout and scream the why's and what if's that I've already gone through enough but really, it doesn't help.
Despite my reluctance to religion, I always wonder if I was placed in this kind of position for a reason. That maybe, because of these imperfections and flaws, I am better off. I just don't really understand the simple complexity of it all.
I feel like I live my present, living through the future. And I wait, and wait for the future to come when it never will. Yes, yes, this too will pass. It always does. It's a simple phase that I am going through and will probably go through again, but for now, I can't understand just why. Where is the fairness of it all? Life isn't fair, yeah, but to what extent?
I don't know where I'm going with this because in the end, I've lost again. I've lost and will continue losing because I am making nothing out of my life.
I don't plan on studying nor doing any homework this week.
Good night, all.
