If there's another ridiculous fact about me, it's how much I'm afraid of failure. I never seem to make an effort to try and succeed, because I'm afraid if I give it my all, I'll end up failing. And in my mind, it's a scar on my pride, it's a lot more to stress about, and it feels much better knowing I didn't try and failed rather than giving my all and failing. But you know, failure is part of life. Just like how I'm afraid of entering a new door of happiness because of the fear it'll end up slamming right in my face again. I've been through multiple fails. It makes me absolutely miserable, but I've yet to realize failing teaches so much more than actually succeeding. I'm still a bit afraid of trying. I'm always telling others and mainly myself, 'Oh, I don't care,' 'Doesn't matter.' 'I didn't try.' But it's honestly all bull.
I've seriously got to learn to dust myself off after I've fallen. I've got to get over the fact I'm always going to find myself on the ground. I've got to learn that there's nobody whose going to pick me up, but myself. I've got to teach myself to get over my failures, losses, goals. I've got to keep reminding myself, failure can teach me so much more, and it can only make me stronger.
Today, I accidentally slipped out how much I wish I could changed the past. Why can't I just get over it. Why is it that I'm still holding on. It's obvious there is absolutely no more opening. I don't get why I'm still on this. Why can't I just enter the new door of happiness and chances. I'm still looking at the freaking door hoping maybe, someone on the other side will open it for me.
