Fast forward

Makes me want to cry.
It's already the month of July and I'm still reminiscent and stuck up seven months ago. I'm absolutely dreading my birthday and I'm almost hoping I'd be able to fast forward my birthday. Summer's not much of a summer, excluding the disgusting heat. I'm practically a loner in summer school, and going deeper, I think I'm a loner in general. No friends that I'd ever be able to depend on. I've yet to recap my junior year and I'm hoping to get that out of my schedule soon. Just greeting the month of July and hoping it'd fly by me just like the rest of the six months I've grown used to.
Someone, either give me the opportunity to relive my past and fix my mistakes or let me fast forward my life one year later.
I'm so immature when it comes to expressing my feelings and emotions. I don't think I express them correctly. I hold them in for too long and after my time is up, I blow up so destructive, I begin to freak out thinking I'm crazy. Come to think of it, I'd much rather be stuck in one of those white rooms for crazy people.
I still need to figure out who I am, and I'm hoping I'd find myself soon. I want to find my place in life, and yet, I feel I was never meant to find a place to settle. I don't think I was meant to be brought unto this world, possibly a mistake from the Heaven's above. Throughout the school year, I found myself on the floor so much more than I've ever expected possible. But thinking about it, I think I was always on the floor. Time definitely does not heal everything.