(I thought today deserved a long post)
1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
To be honest, I feel a little guilty wishing you another happy birthday. Because last year, I was wishing you a happy birthday in a whole different level, this year, I'm wishing you a happy birthday with a different perspective and a different mind. There really is no specific reason to why I feel so guilty. You've got other things to worry about and you've got so much other people to worry about. Not even that, you have no idea who the heck I even am. But, here I am, wishing you another Happy Birthday one year later. Even if you're never going to read this nor will you care, I still feel a little obliged to apologize to you. I feel a little need to apologize over that one promise I made to myself, and I guess you. Just like that one song you wrote for your fans you asked if we'd wait, and honestly, I can't, couldn't, and I won't. Whether it's a Memento of Ours, or a Memento of Just Me, one year later, I'm still rooting for you, just not the same way as I was before. I thank you, wish you the best, and still will always support you.
Cheesy, weird, psychotic, obsessive, freaky. Honestly, yeah. I don't think anybody gets the extent to my obsession issue.
This person, whom I have never even met before, is probably one of the biggest person who've shaped me into, 'me.' I sound like a freak, well, I know I am. But this person has left one of the biggest impacts on my life and I can't help but thank and apologize to this person. From all the tears I've shed because of stupid performances, endless laughs from variety programs, to the heart beats pounding from concerts and performances. He'd always give me that motivation to work just a little harder and help me to dream a little something out of the ordinary.
Big Bang, Gdragon, Thank you.
2. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BLOGSPOT!
It is exactly one year since I have made my blogspot, and I thought this anniversary was pretty important. It's kind of scary how it's already one year since I've made this and how much I've changed throughout the year. To think one year has already passed, it sounds so close yet so far away. This year I think I've changed probably the most than I ever had. For better or for worse, I don't know. This year, I learned the meaning of friendship, people, highschool, and just a bit of reality. I've built better relationships with some and I've lost some. I found myself on the floor so much more than I've expected, yet I've learned to pick myself up. I found how much reality can suck, although I still refuse to accept it, I know.
Though, I'm a little afraid for the next year. Would I still even be using blogspot?
Next year everything would be different. I'd be eighteen years old, fresh out of highschool, finding my way. And I'm a little afraid to see how far one year will take me. How much would I have changed? Where would I be standing, what path would I be taking?
All the while, I must thank blogspot for always being the open ear, or book to type in. I thank blogspot for always being open for me at two in the morning trying to cram a bunch of apush.
And just for the record, I'm also going to thank a friend.
Friend,
It's a little disgusting thinking we're already entering our senior year and it's even more dusgusting that it's been one year already since we've made this blogspot. One year ago, we were reaching for that one goal, this year, it's stil that one goal. And I think it's so great that we're able to keep some things unchanged. Ha, and as we enter our last year of highschool, I just got to tell you. We'll always be on a good road to friendship, my friend. No matter what this year brings us and the years to come, we're always still 'Seokyo.' Even though I met you in highschool, even if we haven't known eachother since we were in diapers, we've probably got a million more memories. After highschool, after college, after marraige, after babies, after hsuband's dying, it's always going to be Seokyo. I'm always going to be here for you, you introverted freak. Call me sometime, slut. So, SEN10R YEAR, Class of 2010, last year of mother fucking highschool, let's rock it. Because after that? It's nothing but Seokyo. It's SEOKYO OR DIE!!!
3. BLANK.
I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy or sad.
I asked myself again and again, if I wanted to get myself into the mess. From the beginning, I didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing, Yet, I've already gotten myself into that mess again. Almost willingly. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.
Like I said, I have that one obsession issue.
Yet again, I have placed myself across the impossible. Yet again, I have put myself in the position of obsessing over the unreachable.
I can't tell which one's worse, this or back in the Gdragon phase? Honestly, I can't because they're so much more different in so many different levels. Both the same, unreachable, impossibility, yet, they have so much more differences.
I've gotten myself into the mess again. And no matter how hard I think about it, I just can't figure out if this is a positive or a negative. I've gotten into the cycle of crying my eyes out, yet at the same time laughing until my sides hurt because of it.
Everyday, everything I do, everything I see, everything in my life, it's always the same thing. Everytime I look at the time, I glance over at Seoul's time and I wonder. Everytime I make a mistake, I worry. Every decision I make, I think. It doesn't even end there, every single night, I dream. Everywhere I go, it follows me and I can't figure it out.
I don't even know, I don't know if it's because I'm so much more closer to finally getting out on my own, I don't know if it's because I'm just a little bit older, I don't know if it's because I know just a little bit more.
But, unfortunately, this isn't even the real problem. There's so much more to it, and it bugs the crap out of me.
You see, the real problem is...
