Yeeeah, it's 6:50 AM and I can't sleep. Usually I end up falling asleep while listening to my iPod at around 5am, but today I had to write my optional essay. But I'm an ADD so I couldn't focus so it's all crap and random chatter about who I am, when I don't even know who I am and finished about thirty minutes ago. Actually, I didn't even finish and hoping my good friend Michel will be able to think of some brilliant ideas. Then I laid on my bed for a few minutes and my mind told me I wasn't sleepy. And at the moment my mind is all wired from too much brainstorming and thinking of like a hundred different things at the same time. I am supposed to wake up in about an hour to go do my bizznass but since I can't seem to fall asleep I have just opted to stay awake.
So, little tidbits of my life as of now.
1. I just stubbed my freaking toe on the marble fireplace shit and it hurts like a mother.
2. I couldn't find Momo until I just found out it slept in my mom's closest. Twas a lonely night without my love. I am indeed a cranky cat lady.
3. My new dog pisses the hell out of me. I bet it's because my freaking mom decided to name him Marley. Like the movie, he's annoying and a rascal and eats Momo's cat food. And unfortunately, not as loyal. I hate it and I should have just kept calling it Halbee.
... Except I like how it gets happy when it sees me.
4. And I like how cats and dogs are so different, like how cats are a lot more independent than dogs and don't need as much lovin'
5. I'm pissed off at my essay because it's not as good as I hoped, but every time I try to fix it my mind just won't let. Die, ADD.
6. Winter break could be better. SHOULD be better. I'm a failure at life. Winter break is almost over and I haven't accomplished anything. Time is going by too fast.
7. Speaking of time, it's going by way too freaking fast. I had no idea 2010 was just two days away. Where the heck did all the time go? 2009 was the gayest year of my life and 2010 better be the best year of my life. Except to make that happen I have to start the year off on a good note and accomplish my 2009 New Year Resolution. Oh, eff my life. Will be back to talk about 2009 and 2010 in a more sentimental note layturrrrr.
8. I noticed I'm always wanting to turn back time, always missing something. Like how I'm missing summer when I just wanted to die during the summer. I miss running to Econ every morning because I was late, I miss falling asleep in Gov and getting a mofucking 89.9% at the end cus the teacher's a fucker and hated me cus I talked to much, and I miss going to Hillside and actually having fun with Chemistry, I miss coming home at like eight and having to outline a whole chapter of Econ listening to the. most. beautiful. voices. ever. I miss crying like every fucking night because I wanted 2010 summer to come and everything was how it should be. I miss after summer school ended when I used to be so determined and everything seemed so unfair when everything is so much worse off now. How during around January to early July, I missed 2008's winter break. What a waste of my time, I think too much it should have been nothing! And how I'm always missing my wonderful sophomore year when I just wanted to fast forward time to senior year, when senior year sucks balls. I miss old friends, my fob days, recording ourselves dancing to Tell Me, eating pho every Friday night, taking the bus every we go, playing with F4 (waaay before Ggotnam came out, sucka.), and all that fobby, cute stuff we did. Funny how I miss all the times when I just wanted to die at the time. It's weird how we always end up missing the memories that brought us a lot more grief that needed. Oh, how I wish I had a time turner. :(
9. Today... or yesterday, I guess. I realized how much I wanted to do something. If my life were a dream everything would be almost perfect. Almost, becomes perfect is just disgusting. You need a right amount of flaws and mistakes that make something perfect. But anyway, if my life were my way, everything would be perfect in a non-perfect way. Too bad it's only my dream and it'd never happen. But yeah, today I realized how much I wanted to do something. Oh, how I wish I had my way. Ha, why am I talking about this?
10. Like the beginning of the year, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yet at the same time, out of sight, out of mind. Beginning of the year, I wanted to die except now, when I think about it I want to die because I wasted my thoughts on something so stupid. But if you think about it, this situation is a lot more stupider than before. A lot more stupid. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. How huge the absence had impacted the heart. And how much fonder the heart has become. So fond that it makes a person crazy. You make empty promises to yourself. You promise that you'll lose sight, to lose mind. Your heart is too fond. Yet, out of sight, out of mind takes it's place. With little bits of "sights," shaken, but all in all, out of sight, out of mind. Good, this is is what you wanted, no? Yes, but no. Empty and now wishing you can, yet again, turn back time. Indecisive, always. Typical, you. Fuck you.
11. Marley just ate Momo's left over food that she saved and Momo is pissed. Cute.
12. I have OCD, I have to finish on an multiplicative number. Or whatever the word is.
13. I ate like half a box of Blue Jay tangerines. I like Cutie's, though.
14. I'm stupid. I hate myself.
15. I'm an idiot for not sleeping. Today is going to be hell.
7:58 AM, gotta gotta gotta gotta go in like 10 minutes. Will be back, loves.
