Currently in a trance.
Its the weather. This weather always seems to get to me. This cold, chilly weather always seems to put me into a reverie that I never can get out of.
I thought a lot last night. I wrote a lot last night.
I sat myself down and began to write. Not of my future or any of the things that have been bugging me lately.
I thought of the one thing that always seemed to creep into my mind. I thought of the one thing that continued to bug me, that I constantly tried to keep at the back of my mind.
I wrote. I finally wrote it down. Because there was no way in hell would I ever had been able to speak it out.
You see, there's so much I would like to say. So much I would like to yell out. So much I'd do to allow the fates to clash once more.
But no matter how much I pray, no matter how much I push out these thoughts; there really is nothing that I could to do to allow anything to happen.
So I thought, and wrote. I wrote everything. And that way, I would be able to rip everything out into the open.
I didn't find anything interesting. I didn't find an answer.
Just everything was out in the open and bare for my eyes to see.
I stared into the paper, long and deep. I didn't find an answer. Because I already knew the answer. And I've already known this answer, long, long ago. There was no answer.
I stared into my messy scrawl. And found nothing.
And I slept and slept, and I woke up feeling nothing.
Because there really is nothing to feel. And despite just how many times I've told myself this;
I truly am over it. Because there is no other way out.
Because if I kept myself, allowed myself to hide these thoughts away, I'd never be able to find myself.
I look at that paper once more. Cringe of its sad, empty ending. Smile and walk away.
Because that is all I can do.
Because all I am getting over is nothing.
Because everything was nothing at all.
