Today...
Today, I don't feel like writing letters. I feel like... I don't know what I feel.
But do I honestly ever know what I feel?
But do I honestly ever know what I feel?
Today, I don't feel anything. I don't know what I want today.
It's practically five in the morning and I don't feel anything.
I don't feel tired, sad, happy, nor do I feel awake.
Well, I guess I feel anxious. Nervous for no reason and I've got a weird feeling in my tummy and sweaty palms.
I don't know time anymore. I don't know what the days are nor do I know the date. I guess this is what you can call this summer.
Oh, don't mind me bloggers, I'm just babbling on my blog because I've got nothing else to do at five in the morning.
Might as well write those damn letters.
Day 4 - Your Sibling
Well, I have two.
Dear Baby Brother,
Suuuuuuuuuuup. (-_-v)
1. Don't ask me for rides anymore; I hate driving.
2. Don't ever wake me up when I'm taking a tiger snooze; I'm a beast when someone wakes me up.
Just kidding, you already know this and I've already lashed out my temper at you about this billions of time. But it's only because you don't ever learn. Anyway, I think our relationship is okay? I remember I used to be so mean to you but I think over time, we've gotten a lot better. Sure, we aren't close and we don't talk much, but I guess it's better than us fighting all the time.
Now on to more interesting topics:
I really hope you do a lot better in high school than I did. I really do. I hope you get into some Ivy League college and make bank off something you love doing. Because honestly, I'm probably going to need a lot of your help in the future. Haha, I'm kidding but I hope you do pursue your talents in music and especially in piano. I know I rage on you when you start to play piano in the living room; but it's only because you begin to play when I'm asleep or when I'm listening to my music. But I honestly believe you have an extraordinary talent in piano and I have faith that with your passion you can become successful in the future. You have a very dedicated personality. Unlike me, you keep your eyes set and you don't know how much I wish I had that trait in me. Your ability to stay set on one goal and follow through will take you places. Your dedication to tennis is truly inspiring and your passion for piano will get you far.
Best of luck, Stella.
Dear Sarah,
Hello. We're definitely not close.
We never seem to have any deep end talks a lot sisters usually have. Probably not with your friends, but you're a very awkward person and very introverted. Ha, yeah, I read your diary once. Okay, I've read them numerous times. And different ones too and I still do when I get the chance.
BUT, it's only because I'm trying to get inside your head. And it's actually benefits you that I'm nosy and like to snoop around when I'm cooped up at home. Because, to tell you the truth, I kind of hated you. Well, never really hated you to the point where I wanted to kill you, but I've always had this sort of dislike towards you. Don't get me wrong, everyone in the family knows I completely love you and look up to you, but it's only because you're my older sister and it's pretty much a given.
I always thought you had it all and I kind of still do.
You think I'm crazy and a bitch. I won't lie, I am crazy and a bit of a bitch.
But it's only because I'm always comparing my life to your's.
You don't know this, but I'm jealous of you. I always thought you had it so easy. And even though you're only my half sister and umma isn't your actual mom, I always think it benefits you in so many better ways.
And I'm sorry I sound like an ignorant bitch but I think you're so lucky that you have parents who are separated. I don't know if you see it but you have no idea how easy the parents are on you. You don't know how much the parents fuss over you and shower you with almost everything you need. And as greedy and selfish as it sounds I was jealous that your real mother showered you with gifts Appa couldn't, I was jealous of how nice and patient dad was with you. Because you have no idea how Appa is to me. I was jealous of how halmoni always obsesses over you and puts you first over everything. I was jealous of how Umma never yells or gives you shit for anything.
You don't even know, Sarah. You got a car for your senior year. What the hell am I driving around? You got to go to Spain this summer. With three thousand dollars to spend. Do you know how much and how long I've waited to go to Korea? Do you know what Appa told me? He told me we had no money for me to go Korea; but he sends you money and buys himself a new porche. Do you get it?
Yeah, I sound like an ignorant bitch, I know. But I'm middle child and in a strange way, I'm also sort of like the first born.
I honestly thought your life was so easy. I mean, the way I saw it, I saw you showered with everything you wanted and needed with barely any problems. But as I read your diary(hehe), I found out that you had problems. And I mean a lot of problems.
I'm not that jealous anymore but I just think you should just try to understand my perspective.
I don't think I need to wish you luck with anything because I'm pretty sure I need the luck a lot more than you do and you're already on your road to success.
Always, Stella.
Wow. Aha, I'm glad I wrote those letters actually.
And even though my siblings will never read them nor will I ever show them; I'm glad I got that off my shoulders.
I'm spilling my whole life onto blogspot because of this damn 30 day challenge. Typing away for hours and freeing my babbling mind.
Yep, welcome to my life, blogspot.
